“Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.” ~George Washington

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.” ~Harry S. Truman

“You ain’t learnin’ nothin’ when you’re talkin’.” ~Lyndon Baines Johnson

As we near Valentine’s Day, our thoughts go to the significant relationship in our life. Is it fulfilling, harmonious, loving and communicative? Do you enjoy each other? Do you laugh together? Most of us would probably say that our relationship could be better. Rather than wanting your partner to change so things would be better, perhaps it is time to see how you could show up differently and make the difference that you are seeking.

Here are 3 ideas that may help you to see what you could bring to the marriage that would create a more loving, beautiful relationship.

1.  GIVE UP THE BLAME GAME

a)     Blaming, criticizing or judging your mate will guarantee an unhappy marriage.

b)    Most judgment of another is actually a reflection of something we are not happy about our self. When we realize that and are willing to own it, we are free to create our relationships differently.

c)     So…..the relationship that is most important to work on, the one that transforms all others is the relationship we have with ourselves.

d)    I have discovered that when I accept myself just as I am, then and only then can I accept others unconditionally.

e)     All of the relationships that we use as our excuse for feeling bad are simply manifestations of our disconnect from our self, our higher self, our higher power, our inner being.

Exercise: Make a list of all of your positive aspects. Be real! Dig deep if you have to! Perhaps you haven’t looked at what is good about you in many years. Now is the time!! Read your list every day for 21 days. Look into your eyes in a mirror and declare, “I AM A LOVING, KIND, WONDERFUL PERSON!”

2. LET GO OF THE PAST

a)     Your history is not your destiny!

b)    Everyone has a story about their relationship that has been written over a period of years. Sometimes negativity that lives in that story can take on a detrimental life of its own.

c)     Write a new story on how you want to feel in your relationship. Think outside of the way it has been. For instance, you want to feel loved and accepted; you want kindness and respect. You get the idea. Be passionate in your story. Let it all out. What would feel so good????

Exercise: Find things to praise and appreciate about your spouse, both mentally and verbally. Show that you respect them and that they make a difference in your life. Do this for 21 days. My guarantee is that if you don’t see a shift in your relationship after 21 days, you can have your old story back.

3. LIVE IN GRATITUDE AND APPRECIATION

a)     There are more good things about your life and your relationship than there are bad. We focus on what’s wrong until what’s wrong becomes dominant in our marriage.

b)    The idea here is to focus on what’s right until what’s right becomes the dominant thought.

c)     Wayne Dyer: “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.”

d)    You may have to prove this to yourself to believe how powerfully your thoughts affect your life and consequently all of your relationships.

Exercise:

1)    Write 5 things you truly appreciate about your life.

2)    Write 5 things you truly appreciate about your partner.

3)    Read these every day for 21 days remembering the good times in your life and in your marriage.

You are the architect of your life. You choose the thoughts that control your feelings and emotions that drive your life. There are no victims. You are at choice every day to think about yourself, your spouse and your life as you would like them to be. Don’t focus on what is, focus on what is possible.

Let me know how these exercises work for you.

One of the wisest end-of-the-year practices that has always served me well is to make a list of my successes from that year before creating my goals or resolutions for the new year.  We rarely take the time to celebrate and savor all we’ve accomplished before moving on to the next thing on our eternal “to do” list.

Right now, I encourage you to think of three 2011 successes.  Make it a mix of professional and personal triumphs that you are most proud of.

Write them down and give thanks.  Share them with someone and invite them to do the same.  This simple, conscious practice will not only make you feel good but it will also give you the confidence and focus you need to achieve your 2012 goals.

My top three 2011 successes are:

1. Worked with ideal, appreciative organizations like Kimberly-Clark, IBM, Women in Technology Internatioinal, Keller Williams Realty and WellStar Health System.
2. Launched my new Working with Wisdom website, a true reflection of who I am and the empowering message I share.
3. Loved every minute of a 12-day Mediterranean cruise with my Mom, where we visited a dozen destinations including Barcelona, Monte Carlo, Florence, Rome and Venice.

What’s on your success list?

It began in mid-September as people peacefully gathered in a park near New York City’s Wall Street to  protest government corruption and ineffectiveness, mass unemployment, the growing chasm of the haves and have nots,  and the impunity of  financial industry greed that triggered the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression.  Like in the movie “Network,” they were “mad as hell and weren’t going to take it anymore.”

People in hundreds of other cities throughout the United States and beyond began their own Occupy Movement. No one knows what, if any, changes will result from these gatherings or if, as the cold weather descends, the protesters will soon retreat to their warm homes and shelters.

When something in the news like this attracts so much attention, I often think what lessons we can learn from it.  While we may not be compelled to camp out in a park to fight injustices, there are simple ways we can stand up for ourselves and terminate tolerations that have prevented us from being our best.

Like toxic people. You know those in your life who push all your buttons, drain your energy and drive you crazy?  I tend to put them into two categories: those you can eliminate from your life and those you can’t. The first–friends and neighbors–are relationships that are fairly easy to end when you recognize what’s best for you and for them.

Family and coworkers–those you must interact with–fall into the second category. It’s up to you to set healthy boundaries and recognize that the anger or frustration they vent to you is rarely about you. By focusing on what you are grateful to them for–even if it’s that they teach you to be more patient–you can begin to reduce their power over you.

So, what won’t you take anymore? What tolerations will you commit to terminate?  Share it here.

I’ve always enjoyed the earthy wisdom of Benjamin Franklin, founding father, statesman, inventor, business owner and the man who adorns our hundred dollar bill. After reading “Ben Franklin: America’s Original Entrepreneur,” I shared his list of 13 virtues in my Working with Wisdom enewsletter.

Here are some of the “aha’s!” that I think deserve reflection. Some are common sense reminders and others seem counterintuitive. Which ones resonate with you?

• Be frugal.
• Speak well of others, even those who caused you misery.
• Check references.
• Don’t hold a grudge.
• Appreciate all your talents.
• Be sincere.
• Hard Work + Patience = Wealth
• Keep reading. (He never graduated from school but instead learned by reading. In fact, he was responsible for establishing the first public library in Philadelphia.)
• Remember the power of the written word to influence others. (He used self-published pamphlets while we might blog.)
• Pay attention to appearances. (He made sure that people saw him working early and late at the print shop to show he was dedicated.)
• Don’t take all the credit for accomplishments.
• Expect (and ask for) even more help from someone who has done you a favor.
• Spread the risk with contingency contracts, like matching funds.
• When it comes to power and politics, convenience often trumps intelligence. (So make it convenient for others to do what you desire.)
• Since hope of gain lessens pain, motivate through rewards and not punishment.
• Search hard for the third way when stuck in a dilemma with an opposing party.

• Forgiveness – “What was I thinking when I bought THAT?”
• Acceptance – I fit into those size 6 pants for 15 minutes last year and will never be there again.
• Letting Go – One giant trash bag of someone else’s treasures went to Good Will. I took a few select business clothes with me when I spoke to the Women’s Professional Group of Dress for Success.

Clutter distracts and confuses us and drains our energy. It gets in the way of what’s most important.

Clearing physical clutter, whether it’s a clothes closet or an office file cabinet, is a freeing experience. So is letting go of technical clutter, like too much Internet time or e-newsletters you never read, and emotional clutter, like toxic people and unnecessary obligations. When clutter is released, energy and clarity increase.

Where’s your clutter? Identify just one area of clutter in your life and take steps to clear it away. You’ll be amazed by what you’ll find in its place.

Do you generally see the glass half full and the opportunities in perceived disappointments? Then you, my friend, just might be an optimist.

If you tend to focus on worse-case scenarios and let fear and lack run the show, then you are most likely a pessimist–or what you might simply call a realist.

People who see the best in most situations tend to be more successful and happy than
those who don’t. Instead of being defeated by obstacles and setbacks, optimists keep moving forward with confidence and hopeful expectation. The good news is, you can learn to be more optimistic by creating more empowering explanations of what’s going on.

Martin Seligman, the author of “Learned Optimism,” is considered the father of the Positive Psychology movement. When explaining our situations, he asks us to consider the three Ps: Permanence, Pervasiveness and Personalization.

For example, let’s say you lose your job. If you’re an optimist, you’ll think this state of unemployment is only temporary (permanence), it will not affect every area of your life (pervasiveness) and you are not necessarily to blame (personalization).

Using the same model, as a pessimist you will see this as a long-term condition, affecting all areas of your life and will shoulder all the blame or harbor a deep resentment of the former employer or perhaps the economy. In other words, you fall into the victim mode.

Which person is more likely to find another job faster? The optimist!

It’s all about awareness and making conscious choices. If you want to cultivate a more optimistic outlook this year, practice the three Ps on small, negative situations, like missing out on a prime parking spot at the mall or struggling to learn new technology. Then, practice it on positive situations, like landing a new client or getting a promotion.

Support your success by incorporating strategies like expressing gratitude and using affirmations. As you build your optimistic muscle, you’ll soon find that a positive response will be your default reaction to whatever comes your way. And that response will inspire your family, friends, employees and coworkers to be optimistic, too.

1. Express Gratitude

1. Cultivate Optimism

1. Avoid Overthinking and Social Comparison

1. Practice Acts of Kindness

1. Nurture Social Relationships

1. Develop Strategies for Coping

1. Learn to Forgive

1. Increase Flow Experiences

1. Savor Life’s Joys

1. Commit to Your Goals

1. Practice Religion and Spirituality

1. Take Care of Your Body

I resonated with all of them. Do you?

Abraham Lincoln said that most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. To make your new year happier, I recommend you identify three of these strategies that you already do, appreciate the positive impact they have on your attitude and continue to do them. For me, that’s express gratitude, cultivate optimism and nurture social relationships.

Then, consider three more strategies to start or recommit to for the new year. Mine are savor life’s joys (stay in the moment), commit to your goals (I’ve got some bodacious ones for 2011!) and take care of your body (back to my yoga practice).

What do you already do and what will you begin to do in 2011? I hope you’ll share your wise strategies by posting your comments here and inspire others. Have a Really Happy New Year!

Since I was a child writing for my elementary school newspaper, I’ve always been fascinated by the simplicity and power of haiku. I recently reconnected with this five-seven-five syllable poetry in a conversation with my clever colleague and conscious connector Emile Paradis of RPM Advisors and The Referral Institute. That inspired me to write the Working with Wisdom haiku above.

Here’s what Emile shared about haiku in his blog. I hope you’ll read this and be inspired to write your own about who you are and what you do. Simplicity is often the best path to clarity.

Haiku and the Art of Business Planning

I was thinking this morning that what the world needs is more haiku. It’s just hard to find places where you can get a good dose of haiku when you need it. So, to help fill a glaring void, I’d like to talk about the benefits of haiku and, hopefully, encourage you to access your inner self enough to express your thoughts and stimulate contemplation.

Actually, what set this all off was “Mission Haiku: the Poetry of Mission Statements,” an article by Chris Finney in The Nonprofit Quarterly. Before you check off the ‘net, please stay with me a little longer.

We’ve all struggled with trying to create mission and vision statements that didn’t sound trite, lame and wordy, and that expressed the passion we felt for our business. Usually, however, these statements did come off as trite, lame and wordy, but we figured they were “close enough.” I’ve worked with a few hundred folks (myself included) and getting something down that really hits the spot is not easy.

Basically, poetry is a form of communication that requires focus and concentrates thought into a few, well-oiled words. That being true, haiku ups the ante and only allows three lines and 17 syllables. Talk about having to be concise, clear and to the point! Even if your haiku isn’t world class (read on), it is a great exercise in condensing your mission. It will express the essence of what you do.

Here are two attempts:

RPM Advisors-

DISC-

Certainly not stuff that will bring tears or flashes of enlightenment. However, it made me consider the essence of my business, stripping away all the other “important” stuff I’m afraid to omit. The same stuff that confuses others (and myself) about the core of what I really do.

So, give it a try. You may feel a little stretched by the exercise but that’s a good thing, isn’t it?