Forget the Roses! Three Ideas to Improve Your Marriage

Today’s guest blogger is my former minister, dear friend and mentor Carole O’Connell.  You can subscribe to her enlightened blog, Simple Ways to Live Life in High Joy, at .


As we near Valentine’s Day, our thoughts go to the significant relationship in our life. Is it fulfilling, harmonious, loving and communicative? Do you enjoy each other? Do you laugh together? Most of us would probably say that our relationship could be better. Rather than wanting your partner to change so things would be better, perhaps it is time to see how you could show up differently and make the difference that you are seeking.

Here are 3 ideas that may help you to see what you could bring to the marriage that would create a more loving, beautiful relationship.



a)     Blaming, criticizing or judging your mate will guarantee an unhappy marriage.

b)    Most judgment of another is actually a reflection of something we are not happy about our self. When we realize that and are willing to own it, we are free to create our relationships differently.

c)     So…..the relationship that is most important to work on, the one that transforms all others is the relationship we have with ourselves.

d)    I have discovered that when I accept myself just as I am, then and only then can I accept others unconditionally.

e)     All of the relationships that we use as our excuse for feeling bad are simply manifestations of our disconnect from our self, our higher self, our higher power, our inner being.

Exercise: Make a list of all of your positive aspects. Be real! Dig deep if you have to! Perhaps you haven’t looked at what is good about you in many years. Now is the time!! Read your list every day for 21 days. Look into your eyes in a mirror and declare, “I AM A LOVING, KIND, WONDERFUL PERSON!”



a)     Your history is not your destiny!

b)    Everyone has a story about their relationship that has been written over a period of years. Sometimes negativity that lives in that story can take on a detrimental life of its own.

c)     Write a new story on how you want to feel in your relationship. Think outside of the way it has been. For instance, you want to feel loved and accepted; you want kindness and respect. You get the idea. Be passionate in your story. Let it all out. What would feel so good????

Exercise: Find things to praise and appreciate about your spouse, both mentally and verbally. Show that you respect them and that they make a difference in your life. Do this for 21 days. My guarantee is that if you don’t see a shift in your relationship after 21 days, you can have your old story back.



a)     There are more good things about your life and your relationship than there are bad. We focus on what’s wrong until what’s wrong becomes dominant in our marriage.

b)    The idea here is to focus on what’s right until what’s right becomes the dominant thought.

c)     Wayne Dyer: “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.”

d)    You may have to prove this to yourself to believe how powerfully your thoughts affect your life and consequently all of your relationships.


1)    Write 5 things you truly appreciate about your life.

2)    Write 5 things you truly appreciate about your partner.

3)    Read these every day for 21 days remembering the good times in your life and in your marriage.


You are the architect of your life. You choose the thoughts that control your feelings and emotions that drive your life. There are no victims. You are at choice every day to think about yourself, your spouse and your life as you would like them to be. Don’t focus on what is, focus on what is possible.

Let me know how these exercises work for you.

2 thoughts on “Forget the Roses! Three Ideas to Improve Your Marriage

  1. Thom Abbott Reply

    Tricia….WELL said! Got me thinking! It’s the 21 days of thinking that way that is always the challenge. Habits are hard to break, right?

    I still have not started the Gratitude Journal. But I need it more for a Journal in general…It’s like therapy and a way to “talk” about the day and what happened.
    You just gave me another “nudge” to get is started. Why not today?

    • Tricia Molloy Reply

      Today is the day, Thom! I “heard” you affirming habits are hard to break. How about, “I focus on all the good in my life and the good in others”? Just a thought! 😉

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